On Why I Left My Job Even If I Had Enough Reason To Stay
Aahh morning commutes like this...when your body literally cannot wait to get home and drop dead on your bed but your brain is trying to fight it like bitch we aint there yet and it's obviously not working so you just sit there miserably embarassing yourself. This girl was me at some point and I'm done with it.
I quit my job last week. Even if the job isn't really that hard, even if the pay isn't really that bad, even if there's free food everyday, even if I have really good friends in the office, and even if my boyfriend is there and our relationship is far from being on the rocks, I QUIT anyway.
People may think of it as a dumb move, a reckless move, a what-made-you-think-you-are-that-smart-to-get-a-replacement-job-in-2-days move. But I know myself so much more than these people think they do, that no matter how may ifs and buts were thrown at me, I once again, for the umpteenth time in my life, jumped into a cliff of uncertainty yelling "FUCK IT!" at the top of my lungs.
Though I don't really owe anyone an explanation, I thought it would be nice to share what exactly made me do it.
If you had all those reasons to stay, why did you have to leave?
Hard to say it's very simple but it really is as simple as this: I'm done. I don't want it anymore. I want something else. I have other things I wanna do - bigger things that I won't be able to do if I stay. [Insert more breaking free cliche's here; fade in Ariana Grande background music]
That job has turned into a comfort zone and I hate comfort zones. Whether it's a job or a relationship, I hate the idea of just settling for something just because everything's already set in stone, just because everything feels safe in place, just because society thinks its the best thing for people my age to do. I had a job that did not only pay the bills, it also came with free food, fun friends, and my adorable boyfriend as triple cherries on top. Yes, those things made me happy but just happy enough to temporarily forget that I was born a free-spirited person who hates being locked up in a cage, or a box; that I am obsessed with freedom and being there felt like having clipped wings, always convincing myself that I'm in a good place just because everything's "comfortable".
What's comfortable for other people isn't always comfortable for me. It took me long before I realized that it isn't doing me any good anymore. Working the night shift for the past two years has robbed me of my energy, my drive, my sunny personality, and my passion for everything! I used to love to write. I used to have a regular flow of creative juices (LOL what did you think I was going to say?). I used to have fun hobbies like reading, crocheting, sewing things, making arts and crafts. But my job made me so lazy and that laziness has tricked me into thinking I'm where I'm meant to be, that I belonged there. But I didn't. Not because I think so highly of myself or that I belong where the grass is greener. This isn't me sitting on a fine looking high horse. This is just me trying to get myself back, doing myself a great favor that I'm surely gonna be thanking myself for in the future.
So I quit before it's too late, before I completely believe that's really all there is for me, before I get very sick from lacking massive amounts of sleep everyday, before I get all wrinkly from my stressful work schedule, before I wake up one day in the middle of my thirties, doing the same goddamn thing I've been doing for the past 8 years, sick to death at the thought of coming to work that night, but not really having a choice anymore because I'm too scared to leave, because I'm too scared to lose a job that pays the bills, a job that feeds me free food everyday, a job where I have friends, a job where I can be with my boyfriend all the time. That would be very sad and pathetic. A job that has all those perks do not necessarily equate to or guarantee happiness.
I have to say, it was one heck of a decision to make. Probably one of the hardest I've ever made. As brave and reckless as I might seem, I did feel a bit scared about some things. What if I don't get a new job right away? What if my friends hate me for leaving so abruptly? For not even breaking it to them gently? What if my boyfriend thinks I left him alone when it's supposed to be always us against the world? What if he finds some cuteass chick in the office to stare at everyday to make up for losing his [cuter] girlfiend who left him there just like that?! But I take comfort in knowing that all these people who love me, understand me. Besides, I can make that cuteass chick's death look like an accident.
So I am thankful to J, who believes in me and knows that I am meant to do awesome things so he never tries to hold me back. I'm so happy that I didn't have to argue with him about this because I've made things very clear and more than respecting my decision, he is also very supportive, cheering me on like a number one fan.
Now that I'm free, I feel like I'm getting to know myself again. This new chapter of my life feels like a refresher course at Being Dominique - to remind myself of who I really am, that I am not just some girl who has bills to pay. I have a future to create, dreams to chase, and an empire to build.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald
UPDATE: I did get a new job 2 days after leaving this job - will be telling you more about it soon!